03 April 2013


Everyone kept asking when this move or upcoming unknown would break me. When was I going to freak out? When was I going to give up? When was I going to show any signs of stress?

Initially, I thought we would have a plan by the end of 2012. At that time, we would know what Paul’s new job was going to be and where we were to be living in 2013. When January came around, I thought I might freak out in February. February came and went and my friends time and again commented on how calm I was. I told them I might freak out in March because February was clearly not the month to have everything figured out.

I spoke to my throughout March about my calm state and how I had just been resting, knowing that there was a plan and that I just had to follow it when it appeared. And then came April.

Welcome to the month when Rachael went crazy. I’m talking seriously, all-out, off-the-charts-for-me crazy. Poor Paul. I keep apologizing.

It started Sunday, which was technically the last day of March but deal with it. I was up early, I impressed myself with my ability to prep for Easter dinner, bake a two-tiered cake, prepare a beautiful lamb in the crock pot, clean my kitchen, do a load of dishes, set the table with cloth and real napkins and all, polish the silverware and then still have time to shower before we needed to leave for church. I had never been that productive and on time in my life!

Paul and I left the house and, as we entered the train station, I said to him, “I don’t know if the lamb is actually cooking right now.” I had definitely turned on the crock pot but I never set the timer and I wasn’t sure if that would affect the temperature or not since I had always used a timer. I also realized that I hadn’t actually eaten breakfast or packed anything to take with me. I was able to grab a croissant at the mall before church and, thankfully, when we got home, the lamb was cooked perfectly so it all worked out, not that I was at all truly concerned about either.

The next day Paul and I had things to do so we got up, had some breakfast and showered. As I was drying my hair, I realized that it felt gross and slightly greasy. “I didn’t wash my hair!” I gasped. How could I have forgotten to wash my hair? I do it every day, sometimes twice a day or more. I didn’t have time to shower again so I just pulled my hair into a tie and we left.

At the end of the day, we decided we would walk to a local favorite and have a date night because I didn’t feel like cooking the almost nothing that we have left in the house. Paul was only going to be around for another 25 hours so I wasn’t putting much effort into grocery shopping – I can live off of ramen noodles just fine, thank you. As we walked out of the building, I suddenly realized that I hadn’t put on any sort of antiperspirant – that’s twice the same day!

I have been very moody – very mean-girly and very snappy – the last few days. I joked with Paul about how I was so forgetful and completely hormonal and then I realized that last week I was very sick without a fever and it hit me – on April Fool’s Day – uh oh.

At least if I was pregnant that could explain the crazy but, no, the test was negative. Yes, I took a pregnancy test to see if there was a defined reason for my crazy. Turns out I’m just crazy.

I keep apologizing to him, day after day. I’m sorry for being moody. I’m sorry for being a B word. I’m sorry I’m so negative and rude. I have no excuse other than the inevitable – I think the stress is finally getting to me. 

No comments: